Self-Worship

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AmericanIdolI am 30 years old today. I am glad to be 30. I feel like now that I can say I am 30, I “appear” to be an adult. It feels good to have a number to tag to my already “old” soul. I think I have always been “old”, as I played teacher with my 2 younger siblings, teaching them how to read and write, we played “house” acting like they were my kids. Or playing “church” and singing and preaching to them. My dad even built us a pulpit (too cute).  I started working when I was 13 years old at a store called “Mail Solutions.” I remember being so proud when people would ask me where I went to school. I would answer “Whitney Middle School.” “Middle School! I thought you were a college student!” they would reply.  I don’t really now why I have always been “old” but it has served me well. And today I am thankful to be 30!

In my heart today is the churning of a thought that is uncomfortable to many of us. This thought has been unfolding in my heart and mind over the last few months. Slowing more pieces keep coming together. This morning my Pastor preached a sermon that once again reemphasized this thought in my heart.

The blood line God chose to use to bring his son into the world was through a group called the Israelites. The bible tells us the story of the struggle of his people. Recently I have been studying this struggle and it goes like this…The Israelites turned to the worship of false gods, they then get in trouble, they cry out to the “I AM” and he shows mercy and bails them out. The Israelites soon forget the great works of the great “I AM” on their behalf and turn to the worship of false gods, they then get in trouble, they cry to the “I AM” and he bails them out….This cycle goes on for hundreds of years. I propose today, that this same cycle goes on in me, in you, on a weekly, even daily basis.

Idolatry: esteeming anything higher than God.

Why do the words from the old Irish Hymn, “Come thou Fount” ring so true “Prone to wander Lord I feel it, Prone to leave the God I love.” Why are we so “Prone to wander?” I don’t really know the answer except for the fact that this has been the story since the beginning of time.  Man’s first sin was wrapped up in “Idolatry.”  As Adam and Eve placed the words of another before God’s, as they placed their desires before obedience, as they decided they had a better handle on what was good for them than God and as they acted on their lustful desires. This attitude sneaks in, slithers in, and creeps it way into the hearts of God’s children, it is Self-Worship and it is Idolatry.

Pride is a fascinatingly sneaky sin, yet it rest on the fact that it is self-absorption or self-worship. Don’t be fooled, the one who thinks they are so awful or the one that thinks they are so wonderful, are both caught in the trap of self-absorbtion. Lonely people be cautions, for when you are lonely or just flat out alone, it is easy to sit back and think about yourself constantly.

The world we live in propitiates and teaches these practices, self-esteem, self-love, “you can’t love others til you love yourself,” get what you deserve, indulge yourself, I will stop there for now. The problem with all these ideas is that they are the complete opposite of Yeshua’s teachings and life style. I feel like Paul in writing this blog for I feel like I may be the “Chief” sinner in this area.

Does this sound like you at all? Sometimes I just want to feel like someone cares I exist, so I post something cute on Facebook and hope people “like” it. I check email often and my facebook page hoping someone needs me. I have dreams and desires in my heart and maybe I worship them more than God. I keep myself busy doing things and filling my mind and heart with everything but the worship of God. I find myself discontent with my current job or situation and life and I want more, more, more. Here I am, a modern day Israelite, I forget the works of the Great I Am, I wander and allow myself to place anything and everything higher than my God and the next thing I know I am in trouble and I am calling out to the Lord, help! The thing that we need to be cautious of is this. Our God who is rich in mercy and his goodness to us last for a life time, also disciplines and teaches hard lessons. One thing for sure, he will not allow pride to go un-delt with. He will humble the proud.

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About Emily French

I am in a place right now where I am so full. Full of love, full of life, full of joy. I love being the mom to my three sons Koby, Zekiah, and Levi. I love being the wife to my husband Larry. I am the Contemporary Music Director for East Cross United Methodist and the Program Coordinator and Creator of MUTUAL Gold a program that teaches girl "They are Worth More than Gold." I am spending my days doing things that are precious to my heart. I have found true Joy.

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