I was sitting here, feeling depressed. The addition of Levi to our household has been an extremely hard transition (3 Year old, almost 2 year old, 5 month old.). I was on my computer looking up childcare alternatives trying to figure out how to get more help, how to get all three of these kids out of my house for a few days so I can get my work done. I run out of time every week. Can anyone relate? I was feeling sorry for myself because I am tired. It is nap time and I tried to lay down and nap and Koby kept getting up and coming into my room right at that moment when my mind had finally wound down enough to rest. It angered me as all I wanted was to fall asleep. If you have ever been sleep deprived you understand. As I was searching and thinking, trying to figure out “what can I do, what can I do?” An email came through from my brother. It was a new song he had been working on attached to the email. The title on the attachment was “Hold the ones.” Immediately I opened it up and listened. I had an idea of what I was about to hear, yet it was as if this email came straight from the Lord to me at this moment. (Crying Break…be back in a moment) As I listened to the song…the lyrics said “What is love without fear? What is life without death? What is joy without pain? Who are we if not together? For our world is full of hurt and pain and darkness too. So hold the ones you love today and speak the truth. Tomorrow may not come, so today hold the ones you love.” In that moment a mist tears, I said, “Yes, Lord.” I said, yes I will be a mess so I can be with my boys, so I can dance around their room singing “If your happy and you know it” before nap time. I will give up sleep, so I can do my work while they are napping, I will sacrifice and be uncomfortable right now, so I can be the one to Hold them. I won’t complain about being here with my boys and not getting to go to staff meeting or a staff birthday lunch. There will be plenty of staff meetings later. I have 3 healthy boys, each a precious gift. I refuse to take them for granted. I am relying on the power of the Holy Spirit to empower me for the task and I am thankful for the gentle smack on the head and the vehicle in which it came. A beautiful song from my brother John.
If there is any one else out there like me, trying to be supermom, and failing daily. Stop for a moment, for God’s power in you, is made perfect in weakness. Father forgive us for rejecting you as we try to daily strive in our own power. It is only by your grace that we can be equipped for the job of caring for and raising our precious children. Be encouraged.