I want to share this story for anyone who has ever felt like God has forgotten about you. For anyone who has felt that the dreams in your heart are slowly fading and life lacks meaning. There is hope.
I graduated college with my degree in Church Music in 2005. The next 6 years I supported my husband as he moved forward in his career and I found myself working at Oklahoma Wesleyan University our Alma mater. I continued to use my gift of music to serve the church in whatever way I could. From leading the music for children’s church to playing the piano for big church. I worked hard for OKWU and they worked me hard. I grew professionally and personally through this experience yet my heart often ached and longed for a “place”. I often envied people who would say “I love what I do.” I didn’t even know what that felt like and I so desperately wanted to find myself in that place where I too could say, “I love what I do.”
In 2010 we adopted our 1st son Koby, what a gift. I continued to work for OKWU and found incredible favor. They allowed me to work from home 2 days a week and go to the office the other 3. Well, 4 months later I was pregnant. I hear this happens quite often. By September 2010 I received a promotion. I was excited about the new challenge and yet torn. I thought I was made to be a working women. I love being busy, using my mind, creating things and being with people. Surely I would not be able to stay at home? I would toss and turn at night thinking about what I should do. How could I make it all work? Shoud I go back to work? Should I just stay home? Am I cut-out for this stay-at-home mom thing? Well January 6, 2011 Zekiah ,our little Ky Ky, was born and I was still in much turmoil trying to make a decision about my future. I honestly thought that there would be no opportunities for me in Bartlesville, where we lived, and that I needed to stay with OKWU. One of my sweet friends tried to remind me, “if it is this complicated something is not right.”
After being on maternity leave for 3 months, I had a meeting with my Vice President. I left that meeting, got in my car and said to myself “I think it is time to leave.” That moment I felt this tremendous peace fall over me. It was the peace I was longing for. I went home and talked to my husband and he had the same conviction. The decision was made, I was not going to return to work.
It is funny how we are told to, “trust in the Lord with all your heart, lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways submit to him and he will direct your path.” (Proverbs 3:5) yet we try so hard to figure everything out in our own strength and understanding. Sometimes we insult God with our lack of trust. I am guilty of that. I was certain there was nothing in Bartlesville for me. I felt like the Lord had forgotten the passions of my heart. I thought that maybe my own sin and pride had changed the course of my life and now I would never have the opportunity to use my gifts. I was so wrong.
I am now overwhelmed by the Lord’s goodness towards me. I was hired at East Cross United Methodist as their Music Director and cannot believe how it feels like the position was created just for me. I am fulfilling one of my life goals of obtaining a Master’s degree in Human Relations. I love everything about the program. My husband and I are sitting on the Board of Directors for a non-profit organization called H.E.L.P.S.. We are ready to start traveling on missions and help eradicate darkness and oppression. I have started this blog Wholegirls as a stepping stone towards my dream of having a ministry to help young women become all they are created to be. I get to be at home with my two precious boys and watch them grow. I have precious friends, a beautiful family, and life is so sweet. I am happy to be able to say “I LOVE what I do.”
He who began a good work in you, will be faithful to complete it. To God be all the Glory.